Stop the Madness

I hope everyone had a happy 4th! I know I did. David and I had a jam-packed day. We went to the Zoo and the adjoining conservatory in the morning, grabbed lunch, saw Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, had a swanky dinner on a gorgeous outdoor patio, and, of course, watched some fireworks.

Unhealthy breakfast in bed! Yup. That’s for sure a Red Bull.

I was OBSESSED with this Puffin at the Zoo. He kept showing off and splashing around a ton.

Conservatory.

Swanky dinner. I got a massive Croque Madame (I only managed to eat a third of it), David got half a Roast Chicken, we got pate and crab chowder as an appetizer, and had a glass of white wine each. Oh, plus bead and butter. Yum, French food. Expensive. And loooooooooooooooooooooooooots of calories.

Braving the horrific heat. Sweaty and smiling while watching fireworks!

 

So although my 4th of July was a little indulgent, I did make some changes after my last, rather despondent post. I bought an armband to hold my phone and/or ipod while I run.

And I got a(n expensive) gym membership at LA Fitness. I’ve got a (complimentary) session with a personal trainer on Monday to asses my fitness level and discuss my goals, and I’ll be heading to the gym for the first time tonight. If I can make it on time after the errands I need to run, I plan to take their hip hop class. If I don’t make it in time for the class, it’s Zombies, Run! on the treadmill.

I will NOT let the heat stop me from moving forward toward my goals. Temporary setback was just that. Temporary.

Scale Trauma

So, my scale has “shit the bed,” as we say in Boston. Which means it’s broken. (And yes, that really is a common saying there. Everything you’ve seen in Good Will Hunting is marginally true).

Normally, I step on my (digital) scale, and the numbers bounce around a bit (within a 7 lbs range or so) before settling on one. Yesterday and today when I stepped on the scale, the numbers bounced around within a 75 lbs range, and then said ERROR. I’ve tried replacing the batteries, resetting the scale, moving it to a different section of floor, but no dice. My scale has shit the bed. It’s just as well, because the scale is at least 5 years old, which I suppose is a good shelf life for a digital scale purchased with a coupon at Bed Bath & Beyond. But now I need to buy a new one.

And I am terrified.

I am so scared that a new scale will wipe out all of my progress. What if the new scale says I’m much heavier? What if my old, broken scale has been lying to me since March? What if I’m actually no where near breaking through to “one”derland?! I’m so dependent on what “my” scale says, and so scared that another scale will say something wildly different. The idea of going “backward” is so upsetting to me that I sort of don’t know what to do with myself.

I ordered a scale off Amazon this morning, since I don’t have any time at all to run to the store to pick one up this week. And while it won’t arrive for a few days, I am so, so scared to step on it when it does. Ugh.

ANYWAY.

Let’s focus on some positives, shall we?

On Monday I worked out twice! David and I got up and did Workout 1 from BR, and then in the evening after work I went on a mission to save the world from Zombies! I left this little note for David to find when he got home from work!

In addition to the regular storyline with the Zombies, Run! app that works with your playlist, you also have the option to turn on the “Zombie Chase” feature. At any random time during your run, the Zombie Chase feature can be activated. You are given warning that you’re being chased, and updated as to how far behind you the Zombies are, as well as a beeping noise, and lots of Zombie moaning sound effects. The feature uses the GPS in your phone to track your speed. You have to increase your speed by 20% and maintain it for one minute in order to “out run” the zombies and escape. So it’s basically an interval training tool. I turned it on during my run on Monday, and WHOA. Like I’m sure I’ve mentioned I’m not a runner. I recently compared my version of “running” to “Gallumphing along in agony like a walrus” in a conversation with a friend of mine. So increasing my speed by 20% and maintaining it for a full minute was HARD. The Zombies kept getting closer and closer, and the beeping and moaning got faster and louder, and I was SURE I was going to get caught. I couldn’t keep it up. I was dying.

BUT. I TOTALLY OUTRAN THAT ZOMBIE MOB! I thought I would have a heart-attack afterward, but I totally did it! A silly victory to be sure, but I was pretty psyched about it, none-the-less.

This is a picture of me, post-run, making some kind of hilarious face which I think was supposed to convey how bad-ass I am. I get RED when I work out. Over even when I’m just sitting on the couch and it’s warm outside. Heat and my super pale skin are not good friends.

The Proof Is In The Pictures?

I just got back from my first Zombie Run! It was so much fun! I went very slowly, and it was more or a brisk walk/jog combo than a full out run, but it was awesome, and I’m super excited for my next one. I’ll be running at an acceptable pace in no time!

I felt really really great when I got back and decided to take some pictures. Now, I’m about 1/3 of the way to my goal weight, 20+ pounds down out of 60+ total to lose. Not too shabby, but I’ve clearly got a LONG way to go.

I took “Before” photos about a week into the Body Revolution. I took another set of photos at about the -10lbs mark. And then I just took some today. I’m going to put up my Before photos and the ones I took today and call them my “During” photos.

At first I swore I wouldn’t post photos until I had reached my goal, but you know what? Even though I have a LONG way to go, I’m proud of how far I’ve come, and I want to see if the difference that I see in the mirror shows up in pictures, too.

So. Here goes:

BEFORE: ≈223             and                 DURING: ≈200

Preview of Coming Attractions!

Ok, I really don’t want to jinx anything, so I’m not going to come right out and say it, but I do want to share with you guys what happened when I got on the scale this morning.

I weigh myself every day, but I only “count” and log my weight once a week, on Mondays. I weigh in every day because it is a small, meditative moment in which I can remind myself of my goals and try to focus on being mindful in my choices for the day ahead. I know and expect that the scale will fluctuate throughout the week, and it does–sometimes wildly so. But that doesn’t upset me. When the number is low, it encourages me to make good choices all day long to “keep” that number. If the number is on the high side, it encourages me to make good choices all day long to bring it back down to where it needs to be. I know intellectually that the actions of one day don’t necessarily reflect in the number on the scale the following day, but I’ve found that my daily weigh-in has been a really positive thing for me. It’s all about perspective. I know that this doesn’t work for everyone, and I’m not suggesting that it should, but for me, in this stage of my health & fitness & weightloss, it’s been a great tool and an excellent motivator.

So, today is Thursday, and obviously not a day on which my weight “counts.” For that reason, I’m not going to come right out and tell you guys the number. I know that there’s every possibility that my “official” weight on Monday could be higher. But this morning, for the first time since 2007, my weight on the scale started with a number ONE!

I felt like I was in a time warp. Or in a movie. You know how, in movies, something very dramatic will happen, and the camera will zoom up on something really quickly and closely? I felt like I was zooming in on that number on the scale this morning. Like it was just getting bigger and bigger and closer and closer, until I could have dived right into it. Surreal, I know, but it honestly felt a little bit surreal when it was happening. I didn’t know until this morning that a secret part of me never ever believed my weight would start with a 1 ever again.

I just took it for granted. I mean, my goal weight–to start, anyway, we’ll see how I feel when I get there–is 165 (I’m 5’10). So obviously if I ever thought I’d reach my goal weight (I did and do) then it should be obvious that my weight would be in the 100s, not the 200s. But I don’t think my emotions ever caught up with my brain. Emotionally, I hadn’t been willing to believe.

And even if my “official” weight on Monday still starts with a 2, I don’t think anything could take away how thrilled and PROUD I feel right now. If my weight is in the 200s on Monday, then I believe with all my heart that it won’t stay there forever. My weight WILL go down.

I’ve been doing well at staying in my new calorie range of 1400. For the most part my food has been pretty healthy, although I’ve been slack on the vegetable front. Lots of fruit though. This is an on-going process.

Exercise has…not been so great. I didn’t work out Tuesday, Wednesday, OR this morning, for lots of reasons, and some of them are even valid reasons, but the fact of the matter is that exercising has to be one of my priorities again. I’ve got to make it happen. And honestly, on the days when I DON’T workout, I don’t feel right. I feel anxious and jittery and foggy. Working out is part of my routine now, and when I skip it, it definitely throws me off.

Speaking of workouts, have you guys heard of Zombies, Run! at all? It probably won’t hold any appeal for those of you who already enjoy running, but for those of us dragging our heels (that would be me. My heels are dragging) it sounds like it might be a hilarious and fun way to get in to running. It’s an app for your phone that plays out over your headphones. You don’t need to look at the screen or press buttons or anything. It combines voice overs with your playlists and sets up missions for you. And occasionally a Zombie mob will start chasing you and you have to outrun them! Interval training! It sounds kind of fun. All the reviews I’ve read have been overwhelmingly positive, and as a highly reluctant runner, I wonder if it could give me the push needed to get started. I’m seriously contemplating buying it and giving it a shot. I’ll let you guys know how it goes if I do!

Thank you so much for your suggestions to combat my slump. I’m going to take them to heart and start to turn this thing around!